


how to obliterate your partnerships feat. card games

by Curator_of_Crows



Series: there is a light in your eyes and it never goes out [4]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Banter, Canon Asexual Character, Canon Bisexual Character, Flirting, Hard of Hearing Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Multi, Original Characters mentioned - Freeform, Pet Names, Polyamory, Rated T for swearing, Sasha James Lives, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives), Tim Stoker Lives (The Magnus Archives), UNO, it's time for uno, mildly successful attempts at humor, oh yeah you know what time it is baby, the inherent homoeroticism of destroying your partners in uno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28694328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curator_of_Crows/pseuds/Curator_of_Crows
Summary: “Have you ever played Uno?”--The polycule plays Uno- that's it, that's the whole fic
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Sasha James/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker
Series: there is a light in your eyes and it never goes out [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944421
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	how to obliterate your partnerships feat. card games

**Author's Note:**

> -hey so i didn't edit this for SHIT because i knew that if i stared at it too much i would feel too self-conscious to post it. i watch a gaming youtuber and one of his videos was him and his friends playing uno flip edition and both of his friends and the AI played a 'draw five' card which meant he had to pick up fifteen cards when he already had fourteen and i laughed so hard i almost passed out  
> -have fun, let me know if i need to tag anything  
> -yes they're all dating

“Have you ever played Uno?”

Jon’s fingers trailed along the frayed edge of the improvised bookmark – a ribbon that looked like it once was attached to a book, but not to the one he found it in, now resting on his lap. He wasn’t particularly fond of the book; it was written like a romance serial but written more in a way that suggested the author either didn’t know anything about romance or simply didn’t enjoy writing them.

“Jon?” Sasha nudged his arm, bringing him back into the conversation. She was sitting next to him on the lumpy couch, the book she grabbed from the shelf when they sat down to read was still closed in her lap.

“Hm?” He blinked, resting his gaze on Tim who held two brightly colored boxes of the card game. The boxes were new, though Jon didn’t try to Know for sure, but they looked like they’d never been opened. He chose to assume Tim picked them up on the grocery run with Martin and Cosme, “Oh, yes. I played with my grandmother and our neighbors when I was young.”

His grandmother was worried that he wouldn’t make friends, and at first tried her best to keep him speaking with children his own age. He remembered that night, sitting at their dining table while the neighbor, a young mother who chain-smoked and frequently paused the game to step outside so as to not make the flat smell even though his grandmother didn’t mind, helped her twins start conversation with Jon. The playdate, though somewhat fun, wasn’t repeated. He was grateful that his grandmother didn’t force socialization much on him after seeing him anxiously fumble. He enjoyed hearing the neighbor and his grandmother talk about ‘adult things’ like work and the weird customers that would frequent the shop the neighbor worked at; it felt like he was a part of the discussion, though he never added anything to them. It was easier to listen and to watch, than to stumble through something so pesky as socializing with other children.

Tim shook his head, “Sorry, I should’ve been more specific, have you played  _ recently _ ?”

“No, why?”

Sasha grinned, “Uno as children and Uno as adults are vastly different games.”

Jon frowned, “What do you mean?”

Tim sat down at the coffee table, opening the two card boxes, “Very different energy.”

That made sense, Jon figured, adults generally swore more and often made the stakes of losing higher in…  _ creative _ ways. He must have been wrinkling his nose at Tim’s response, because Tim elaborated quickly.

“Not like, a stripping game,” he rushed to assure Jon, “Though I  _ do _ know that it can be altered as such if you’re interested.” He was wagging his eyebrows, using a tone that Jon was familiar with because he’d used it before once they sorted out their early miscommunication issues. Tim was joking and being explicit about it.

“No, thank you,” Jon replied with a small smile.

Sasha called for Martin from the couch, setting the forgotten book on the arm of the chair and leaning forward to pull the coffee table closer to the couch. It blocked her and Jon from leaving the couch, but it would be easier on his hip and back to not have to lean so far from where he was sitting.

Tim began to deal four hands as Martin padded into the living room. He was still wearing the apron from his earlier chores, likely forgetting to take it off before changing the bed sheets. He was also wearing the socks that Sasha and Jon knitted for him and it made Jon feel something bright in his chest. They were a navy material, soft and discounted since the friendly old woman selling it a few miles down the road was excited to hear that Sasha and Jon were learning the craft. One sock was ever so slightly longer than the other, but Martin smiled so wide that Jon thought he would start crying when the socks were given to him.

(Tim had a pair too, a magenta color that Jon and Sasha also knitted but since it was the second pair, the socks were a little closer in appearance to each other. He painted his nails with a cheap polish from the little grocery store when he received the socks, the color a near-match because it made him feel pretty.)

“Oh, we’re playing Uno?” Martin asked, “Should I make some tea?”

“If you want, love,” Sasha answered, tapping her fingers against her knee to a beat Jon tried to not hear.

“Is this the infamous ‘chaos’ edition?”

“Repeat that,” Tim said, turning a little in his sitting position to see Martin’s lips as the question is repeated. Martin was careful to enunciate each word carefully so Tim could watch.

He nodded when he understood the question, “Of course it is,” he placed both of his hands on the table as he caught himself starting to pick at his nails, not wanting to ruin the varnish.

“Wait, what’s ‘chaos’ edition?” Jon asked.

He didn’t miss the little grins on his partners’ faces, but he nearly did because the moment he asked, he felt something slipping into his mind-

**_T̸̮͒h̷̹͌e̵̛̱r̴̯̆ê̶̪ ̸̥a̶̡͂r̶͖̽e̶̗͝ ̵̞͘m̵̥͑o̷̊͜r̷̳͝e̴͙̅ ̸̱̂r̸̂ͅu̵͉͐l̸̢̆e̸̗͠s̵̓͜-̷̩̾_ **

He shook his head, pressing the heel of his palm against his temple.

“Are you okay?” Sasha asked quietly, Tim looking up from the cards in response to her tone since the words were likely fuzzy. Sasha’s hand was raised a little, a silent question because physical touch could be pretty hit-or-miss for Jon. He nodded at her hand and she placed it gently on his shoulder.

“Ah, yes,” Jon sighed, “The Eye’s trying to answer for you and I don’t want to hear from it.”

Tim clapped his hands to the tops of his legs, scooting closer to the coffee table, “Well, I can try to talk louder than it,” Jon doubted that, but he did choose to focus on Tim to at least try. Tim made it easy for him too, the man was fairly animated when speaking even before losing most of his hearing and learning sign language.

“So, ‘chaos’ edition is basically Uno with house rules. I used to play the card game with Danny and his friends when it was turned into an online game and you could change a lot of the rules in the settings. If I play a seven, that means I can trade hands with anyone playing. If I play a zero, then everyone changes hands in accordance to the rotation.”

Jon nodded, the rules pretty new to him but he was aware that people usually changed the rules of most games to suit their needs or desires. He remembered in university, Georgie and some of her friends played Uno. He doesn’t remember how they played, since he was behind on an assignment and had to lock himself in his room to finish it, but by how loud they got at certain points, he could imagine it was from such rules.

Tim hummed, “There’s also, um, what is it- oh, let’s say in your hand you have a blue five, but it’s my turn. If I play a blue five, you can jump in and play yours, and the rotation will continue with you. So if Martin would be next after my play, you would skip him without using a skip card and the game would continue with Sasha.”

Martin arrived with two mugs of tea, setting them down on the coffee table, “I’m really glad I love you all, because Uno without these rules is brutal. Are Ollie and Cosme playing too, or are they still out?”

“They’re being gross and cute on a little walk through the trees,” Tim supplemented.

“Oh I fully intend on losing friends tonight,” Sasha laughed. Jon had forgotten her hand was on his shoulder until she moved it and briefly he felt a little sad without the contact. As though she could sense that, she scooted her hand closer and took his hand with hers, rubbing her thumb across the back of his.

Tim narrowed his eyes, “I will also be enforcing a new rule, and that’s ‘no spooky mind-reading’.”

“Oh please-!” Sasha argued, having been closer to the Eye than either Martin or Tim. Not quite as strong as Jon’s association, but enough that she still felt its influence. It was alarming at first, how it affected her, but Jon felt some sort of relief that he wasn’t the only one afflicted by its influence. Somehow, knowing Sasha was under its thumb as well was encouraging in a way he wasn’t expecting. It was easier to try and not rely on Beholding when he wanted her the same freedom from its grip, like he was suddenly tricked into caring for his own well being because he cared for hers.

“No, that’s an entirely fair rule,” Tim laughed, pointing at her, “If I don’t get to read your mind then you don’t get to read ours!”

Martin brought the last two mugs and sat cross-legged on the floor between Jon and Tim. He’d taken off the apron at some point, revealing his soft cat sweater.

Sasha rolled her eyes dramatically before looking to Jon, “That’s okay, Jon, we can team up against Tim-”

“Hey!”

\-------

“Alright, I pick… red.”

“Sasha, do we need to talk?”

“Not at all, Tim, what’s wrong? Do you not have any red?”

“Just be grateful this is the physical game and not online, I’ve heard with the online one you have to keep drawing until you get a card you can play.”

Tim sighed, nodding at Martin’s observation because it was true. Jon was grateful too, not having any yellow cards for the last round and went from being one move away from calling ‘Uno’ to having three cards in his hand. He was also grateful that Sasha changed the color to red because he didn’t draw a yellow card, but a red one.

After drawing a card, Tim turned to Martin, “Your turn, sweetheart.”

It wasn’t an attempt to make Martin blush, but Jon could tell his words still succeeded in doing that. There was something particularly lovely in seeing Martin try and hide his silly grin from the affectionate name, something that made Jon want to call him a similar name to see if he can make Martin blush darker and smile wider.

Martin played a red two, down to two cards then. He pointedly ignored Sasha’s comment about having a red seven, since Sasha had his hand earlier before he switched on his next turn.

Sasha mentioned it again though, as Jon played a red six, “You uh, you sure you didn’t have a red seven, Martin?”

“I’m content with the hand I have right now, thanks.”

“Yeah, Sash, what’s wrong? You don’t like having nine cards?” Tim asked, goading her like she did him earlier.

“No, I like having eight much better,” she said, playing a draw four card while looking him directly in the eye.

Jon chuckled, “What’s the color?”

“Oh! I pick  _ blue _ .”

Tim stared at the draw four card and then sighed, “Martin, I’m sorry but you see what Sasha’s made me do,” he said, placing another draw four card atop Sasha’s play.

Jon blinked, because he wasn’t sure of that rule, “Wait, wait, what-?”

“I pick green by the way.”

Sasha made an affronted noise, “Tim, you didn’t explain  _ that  _ rule? Are you setting our poor Jon up for failure?”

“You were  _ there _ ! You could’ve said something,” Tim bickered, shoulder shaking with his laughter.

“What rule?” Jon asked, trying to keep them reigned in long enough for them to explain it.

Martin didn’t draw any cards, instead, he kept his eyes on his hand while resting his chin in his other.

“So,” Sasha started, but Tim interrupted.

“You can stack draw cards-”

She waved her hand to dismiss him, “Shush you! So you can play draw cards on top of each other, like what Tim and I just did. That means instead of Tim having to draw four, Martin has to draw eight.”

Jon made a small gasping noise, because Martin was so close to calling Uno earlier. He was beginning to fully understand how Uno, like other games such as Monopoly, could destroy friendships. He sighed, “It’s a little sad that you two have to make Martin suffer from your rivalry.”

Tim hummed, “That’s the rules of the game baby, there are no friends in Uno.”

Martin finally spoke up, “You’re right, there aren’t any friends in Uno,” he cleared his throat and pulled a card from his hand. As though that little movement cast a spell upon the other three, they watched the slow slide of the card’s material against the other card in his hand. They were silent. Tim, eyes wide in shock, placed a hand over his mouth like he was going to shout. Sasha sputtered a little, trembling at Jon’s side and he didn’t have to look or Know to know she was stifling her laughter.

“Martin,” Jon ventured carefully.

“Jon, I’m so sorry but, ‘uno’!”

“ _ Martin _ -!”

Martin played a draw four card, “I pick red.”

Jon’s eyes flitted from the played card and his own hand, down to two cards and neither of them were a draw four so he could send it back to Sasha. He legitimately didn’t know what to say for a moment, a childish annoyance bubbling in his chest with the urge to not play anymore.

“Jon, Jon do you have a draw four?” Tim asked, “I’ll change the rules if it’s just a draw two for you,” he offered.

“Oh, you’ll change the rules for  _ him _ ?”

Before Jon reached across the table to start counting out twelve – _ twelve damn cards _ – he pursed his lips, “I despise all of you so,  _ so _ deeply.”

Martin was covering his face, but he was red with laughter and a little embarrassment. Laughter erupted on Jon’s right side, coming from both Sasha and Tim howling with it as Jon felt heat crawling up his neck. He had to grit his teeth to hide his laughter, pretend that he was more frustrated than he was, but it was a vain attempt.

After Jon acquired a very full hand, he looked directly at Tim, “I’d like to revisit the ‘no spooky mind-reading’ rule.” The rounds continued, Martin barely able to hold onto just one card, but he managed to keep his hand down to one or two cards at a time.

“No can do, darling,” Tim grinned, holding a hand with six cards.

Jon nodded, “Alright then,” and then turned to Sasha, “Do you have any zeros?”

Martin laughed, “I think you forgot what game we’re playing.”

“I have not.”

Sasha straightened her back, “What an odd question Jon, but no, I do not have a zero.” She had ten in her hand, not much better than Jon but she didn’t want to end up with four more.

“A seven?”

“No,” she narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

Tim and Martin’s faces fell at that exact moment, the two of them exchanging glances before turning back to Jon and Sasha, “W-What are you planning?” Tim asked, smiling as sweetly as he could.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, Tim,” Jon said with a smirk and played a zero.

Sasha remained skeptical until they switched, the action accompanied by frustrated groans from Tim and Martin, both stuck with ten and six cards respectively. Her face lit up immediately upon examining the cards, “Jon, you devious man.”

“Why? Why is he devious?” Martin asked, voice becoming slightly more distressed with every word.

Sasha played the second and only remaining zero in her new hand.

Tim balked at the cards he was about to receive, all twelve of them, and Martin was positively aggrieved upon looking at the ten cards coming his way after keeping his hand so low for most of the game.

Jon wasn’t exactly happy to have a hand with six cards, but any number under fourteen was an attractive one, especially when combined with the immediate effect of his and Sasha’s play.

“I can’t believe you,” Tim groaned.

Jon shrugged, “You said no mind-reading, so Sasha and I improvised.”

He broke down into giggles as Sasha cackled, Tim trying his best to pout through his shocked laughter. Martin held his head in his hands, his cards facedown on the table, grumbling something about how ‘unfair it is that Jon can destroy them in this game’.

Jon hadn’t smiled so much since they first arrived at the safe house.


End file.
